this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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