Do you still have your period?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
