i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize