Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
