What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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