i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
