Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
