his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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