You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize