i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
