I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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