dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
