now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
