Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
