Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
