I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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