oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
