now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
