Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
