Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
