It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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