Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
