No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
