Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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