He uses pillows to masturbate.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
