Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
