Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
