Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
i've created a new STD.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
