i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it's like iHOP with fire
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
