hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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