the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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