Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
