You really coming over, don't trick.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
