I want to stick my p in your. b.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize