Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I skipped work to stalk him.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
