why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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