I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize