I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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