So drunk its hurt
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize