Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
