We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
