Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I will pee on everything he values.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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