were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
