Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
