i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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