All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
