Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
