I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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