is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
