Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
