Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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