i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
