i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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