Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
