Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
