she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
