I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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