Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize