Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
