She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
