3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just found puke in my bra..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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