They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
