my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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