she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
