Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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