What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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