??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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