I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
